An I HATE FRANCE! Post
Hello Ladies, Gentlemen...
I'm going to regale the tale of me getting into a verbal fight at the supermarket with some crazy French lady. I know we are all crazy in some way or fashion, which can be endearing if pulled off correctly and with a little bit of panache, but the incident I will shortly describe to you, threw me for a loop!
I was so shocked to be on the receiving end of this 'mature' woman's rudeness. She must have been in her late 50s or early 60s, which means, this dumb bitch is/was old enough to know better! That said, before I tell you what happened, please know that I still feel guilty about being very, very, very rude. I was raised to respect my elders, however NO ONE should tolerate being disrespected. Yes, I still have mixed emotions, still...
It happened at LeClerc, a supermarket, in the check out line. I own a lime green polka dot shopping caddy cart, it is impossible to miss. As I was waiting in line, (no one was behind me, it wasn't that busy) I forgot that I needed some cheese, which was just a 4 second round trip from where I was. When I returned, this lady was standing in front of my caddy. I very gently, humbly, and very, very politely said in my best French, Excuse me, Madame, but I left my caddy here for 4 seconds to get cheese. (it's cheese, I figured SHE would understand! The French LOVE cheese, right!?)
At this point, she had two choices. One: to be kind. Two: to be a cunt. Which do you think she chose?
She said very rudely and with a tone of FUCK YOU something to the effect of: I didn't see anybody here, too bad, so sad.
I was shocked. IF she would have been nice, I would have allowed her to go ahead of me, no problem. I consider myself very reasonable and kind. I believe in the old adage, treat others how you would want to be treated. Again, I was so shocked by her response, my Texas/Las Vegas (think Cowboy-Mafia) attitude came out, guns ablazing! I shook my head at her, grabbed my caddy and rolled my fat ass in front of her to take back my position in line, because FUCK YOU, that's why! That is when she started talking shit.... and I started laughing.
Quick background on me: I have anger issues. I have made wild progress on this front. If I had to measure my anger in this situation, I would give it a 3 out of 10. 1 = cool as Fonzie , 10 = HULK, SMASH! BURN! A 3 would be slightly annoyed but entertained!
By the way, the French HATE it when you laugh and point in their faces, it is very insulting and vulgar, so what did I do... I smirked at her and tried to keep my shit together! Ok, I laughed in her face, adding oil to the fire, because WHY NOT?!
She continued to talk shit and make a scene, so I turned to her, closed the gap between us, and in my best and formal French asked: Would you like to go outside and talk about this? Yes or No? Then I raised my voice: Oui or Non, Madame?!! By the way, our heated conversation was conducted using the formal VOUS, which I think is really cool and BITCHYYYYY! She raised her voice still talking smack and called me some name, to which I replied: Vous êtes très impolite, Madame! Still she continued. That is when I asked her again: Vous voulez aller dehors? Want to go outside?
Then, I let her have it: Vous êtes vraiment une paysanne! You are such a peasant! And did a cast off hand gesture, like a dumb ass.
This whole situation lasted less than 30 seconds, but there was NO WAY I was going to back off. I was being entertained and practicing my French! That's when it was my turn to use the self check-out. No, she didn't cut in front of me, I think things would have escalated if that happened. That would have been a 6 on the scale, which I like to call -- Motherfucker was asking for it. While I was checking out, I couldn't stop laughing and starting doing dragon puffs with my breath. It should have stopped there, but I wanted her to know that she choose the wrong person to mess with. So, while I was checking out, I turned to her, laughed and said: At the end of the day, I won. Which, in hindsight, is really dumb. What did I win? Dumb Fuck of the day? Then it was her turn to check out. And, it doesn't stop there... I continued to call her a peasant and laugh. When she finished checking out and was leaving, I shot her the biggest Texas smile this side of the world and said: Bonne Journée! Have a very nice day! She shot me a face and I laughed in it.
And that's it. Not my best moment, not my worst. I still feel ashamed and guilty for allowing myself to get swept up in the drama. I would also like to confess something to you too. My anger issues have actually saved me several times. What do I mean? It means I am a big wussy. I have NEVER been in a fight and I have NEVER hit, shoved or touched anyone while angry. It frightens me. I NEVER would want to hurt anyone or get hurt. Having anger issues is a nightmare. Situations can quickly escalate and being angry with rage is like trying to control a fire breathing dragon. The good news, the dragon I just described, no longer resides inside of me, she has instead transformed into a silver back gorilla, with the teeth of a shark, the claws of a lioness, while having the dignified disposition of a tortoise. (Thanks, Jeff Winger!)
Bonjour et Bienvenue!
Thank you for stopping by for a spell!
I am a 40-something year old American woman. Born in Texas, raised in Las Vegas!
Frenchified for Life
is a fabulous little lifestyle blog about truly embracing French life!
My intent is to simply inspire you to create something unique and beautiful in your everyday life. The French have this wonderful and annoying habit of seeing the world through rose colored glasses, might as well learn something from them!
That said, I lift my glass to you!
By the way, I mention the name Cachou (or The Cash) a lot, I'm referring to her...